Adrift: let’s drown this baby

The actress suddenly realised how awful the movie was (image: cinebel)Adrift is a German movie that has just been released. Only it’s no longer called Adrift, the title has been changed to Open Water 2.
This makes perfect sence: just like Open Water, this movie is set on sea and features people floating in the water. Okay, this set of floaters has nothing to do with the original characters, but the important thing to remember here is that it’s still the sea. Not the same sea as Open Water was filmed in the Bahamas and the Virgin Islands whereas Adrift was filmed in Malta. But still, water always looks alike.
Heck, at this rate it wouldn’t even surprise me if the next DVD edition of Jaws will be released as Open Water 0: The Original Prequel.

Marketeers have always tried to get bigger viewers in by tying a movie to an earlier smash hit or by changing a title to pretend it’s a new movie. A delightful example is the Brooke Shields movie Communion, which didn’t do well, but got a bigger cult status when they released it two years later as Alice Sweet Alice and completely bombed when they re-released it three years later as Holy Terror.
Maybe they should’ve asked for a new poster too: it was a bit of a giveaway that Holy Terror was just Alice Sweet Alice reheated in the microwave.

I'm sure that won't work, otherwise it wouldn't be a still (image: cinebel)Another movie well worth mentioning here is The Last Broadcast, arguably the first movie to be shot entirely on digital material. If I may doubt this information, it’s because the tagline to the video version of this was “May have influenced The Blair Witch Project, it certainly preceded it.”
The same can be said for Peeping Tom, Bambi or any movie that was made before 1998.

It’s good to bring up The Blair Witch Project though. Now there’s a movie that had an unwelcome European release. By the time it managed to crawl over the big pond the buzz was so huge the movie could only do one thing: disappoint. You needed to do a heck of a job to stay and watch the film with an open mind, the mind of the Americans who didn’t know what the movie was about when it was first released there.
One big criticism I’ve heard from hundreds of teens who’ve seen the movie: it’s not that scary. Blair Witch had two big problems: the amazing hype as well as the fact that the movie is set in the woods. I’ve noticed that people who’ve lived near or been in woods find the movie much scarier than city folk who’ve never spent a night in a dark forest. To them, the movie was about three whining kids who had to stay in a forest overnight… well, what’s scary about that?

(image found at cinebel.be)Adrift, sorry Open Water 2 (let’s just call it Jaws 149) , has a similar problem: though it’s allegedly “based on true events” (excuse me if I lack the energy to see if that’s correct) we don’t care. Even the trailer will tell you most people on board are complete idiots. Will these people drown or be saved? I don’t give a toss, I can’t feel a bit of sympathy for them.
They’re so stupid they jump into the ocean for a relaxing swim, not checking if there might not be a problem with climbing back on board. There’s not even a straw to clutch at… and the same can be said for the script.

But wait.. we’ve found a saving grace: one of the people floating for their lives (just doesn’t sound too exciting, now does it?) is a mother and her baby is still on board.
But don’t worry, she’s not a bad mother… she was thrown in the ocean by one of her friends. Which completely makes up for any sort of criticism you might have about this wonderful movie.
Actually, I’m still not convinced dying of hunger and thirst would be less humane for this baby than having to grow up around these people.

(image found at cinebel.be)So let’s go over this one more time: the title change it’s the most ridiculous one this century has given us, the characters are so uninteresting you’re secretly rooting for the sharks, plus if it’s based on true events you’ll know that at least someone will have to survive this horrific tale of floating next to a boat with no ladder in sight.

Director Hans Holm‘s first movie was Wolpodzilla.
Just look at that title for a few seconds.
Nuff said.

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