Killer Crocodile

Inspired by movies like Jaws an Italian postman named Fabrizio de Angelis changed his name to Larry Ludman. De Angelis (or Ludman if you prefer) directed no less than 20 movies, including “Thunder I”, “Thunder II”, “Thunder III” and “Karate Warrior” (parts 1 to 5). “Killer Crocodile” is clearly inspired by “Jaws” and perhaps even (the slightly underrated) “Alligator”, but shows you need more than being inspired to deliver a valid end product. “Killer Crocodile” jumped straight into my top 100 Worst Movies ever. Let’s examine the evidence…

Open wide for the poster (thanks to Alyon.org)* According to the credits the crocodile was made and built by Giannetto di Rossi, the man who was responsible for the make up for certain Fulci movies (e.g. “Zombi 2”), for the mask for Di Caprio’s “Man in the Iron Mask” and for the sound and effects for “Emanuelle in America” (effects?). He also directed no less than 2 films. The second being “Killer Crocodile 2”. Di Rossi’s crocodile looks like a big handbag floating on the water, about as scary as a tree branch. After seeing the movie, I’m convinced that a croc’s mouth can be either wide open or closed, but nothing in between.

* Dubbing Italian films never really worked, but here the differences between Italian and English become painfully clear. To follow the movement of the actors’ lips the dubbers need to utter sentences like “I don’t believe that … it is a good idea, … yeah.” Interesting way to … speak,… eh?

* So why is there a killer crocodile? Well, you see, some “bad guy” dumped some waste near the water and hey presto, you have a giant crocodile. When a team of ecologists comes to check out the water samples, they see the barrels and one of them dares to investigate. He puts on a big white suit and goggles (thus giving us a chance to enjoy Gogglevision) and swims to the barrels. The man looks at his geigerteller and informs the rest of the crew that the waste is indeed radioactive. Something we couldn’t have guessed by the big stickers with the word “RADIOACTIVE” on the barrels. The rest of the team tell him “not to stay there any longer”. (They are bright, aren’t they?) Yet somehow this brightness doesn’t stop them from constantly falling in the water.

* Look out for the scene where a girl is attacked on the pier. She is clutching the wood not to fall in the water, but don’t worry as a man comes to rescue her. Does he pull her up? No, he comes and hangs next to her and pushes her up. Not that clever after all as the crocodile comes by and devours him. Scary? Thanks to the budget, no. It looks like someone’s pushing a big fake crocodile up and down as a third-rate actor falls in the water, after which spectacular event we see him floating in the water with croc jaws around his middle. After this snack the crocodile manages to speed to a different location in almost two seconds (one of the few times in the movie the beast is fast, it’s ultrafast) and bites another man in the leg. For some reason, that explains the blood coming from the man’s elbow. Or doesn’t it?

I could go on with more evidence, but I don’t want to spoil the plot or, more likely, your fun watching it. Go and see it, I know you want to…

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