Zoey or the ultimate boredom

She’s sitting on a chair.She moves her butt to and fro to get rid of an ass cramp.

Nothing is happening.
She is bored.

Today is the most boring day of her life.

What if I would go out for a walk, she thinks, maybe that would help.
Probably not.
But it keeps one busy.

She’s walking on the streets.
Lots of things are happening.
Two men don’t know how to silence their blaring car alarm. The girlfriend of one of them is watching the scene from a distance, together with a dog on a lead. The dog is a puppy, so afraid it starts to piss. The piss forms a miniature creek on the pavement.
A couple, wearing their chiquest outfits and leaving one of the most expensive restaurants in town, steps in a dirty little car.
Another man halts at a garbage can. One by one he takes all of the papers out of his coat pocket and throws them in the garbage can.

Nothing of any importance is happening.
It begins to rain.

She walks into a shop to hide from the rain.

She hears the cashier saying “If you’ve bought it once, you’ll keep buying it”.
She can’t see the product.

She looks around.

The lipgloss is hanging next to the condoms.
This is not the only store where that’s the case.
She knows girls who therefore assumed the lipgloss was an anticonceptive. One girl is nearly nine months pregnant now.
It’s time she started looking for a present for the baby.
Maybe a toy with fat lips.

It’s still raining.
So what?
If it’s raining, you get wet.
That’s all there is to it.

Which is why she continues her walk.

She spots a couple.
The guy is reading from a book he’s holding in his right hand. His left hand gesticulates madly.
It looks like he’s reading her prophesies.
He looks labile and slightly disturbed.
His girlfriend is barely listening.

Anything can happen.
Nothing actually does.

So what if a weirdo is quoting from a book on the streets? Is that so special?
The world gets screwier every day.
Nothing new about that.

Idea. Plan.
She wants to do something that would really be noticed. Something that would irritate people, even if it were for just a second.
Or rather, something that would shock them.

She’s close to the station.
Idea. Plan.

The train to Brussels will arrive with a probable delay of ten minutes.
Unhappy faces everywhere.
Suddenly and hastily lots of mobile phones appear out of nowhere.
Grumbling phone calls.
One person can’t understand a thing because another person is talking too loud.
Noises. A deafening sound when steam is released from another train.
More grumbling.

She listens in on a conversation.
“Yes, I’ll be home a bit later. The train’s delayed again. That means you can fuck your lover an extra fifteen minutes tonight.”
Not even a hint of irony.
Which makes it sad.

Eleven minutes later a dot appears. The train.
The train stops and everybody gets on, thinking how this will be the last time they’ve taken the train.
Lots of mobile phones disappear into thin air.
See you tomorrow.

She walks past the train compartments. Pathetic older men.
She thinks: half of them is on their way to their daily dosage of soaps.

The conductor blows his whistle. The doors close.
Are they watching?
Some are, but if they see her, is an entirely different question.
They will in a second.
She pulls up her sweater.
Look, people, no bra.
Shocked faces as the train leaves the station.

Mission accomplished.

The other people at the station were so busy waiting for their train, it appears they never saw what she had done. Bunch of losers. Not even spotting the one time something interesting happens in their lives.
Just they wait.

The train to Ostend is announced.
Everyone hurries to get on the train, pleased that they were there the one time the train had no delay.
She thinks they should have been happier.
They aren’t worthy of a punctual train.

The whistle is blown, the doors are closing.
The train is ready to leave the station.
Or is it?

Like a pensioner forced to run another marathon, the train begins its journey.
She smiles as she realises that this time she’ll be the reason the train will be late again. Smiling, she jumps in front of the train.
Some passengers start screaming.
The last thing on her mind is one of grumbling mobile phones appearing out of nowhere.

(copyright: Kurtodrome, 2000 – also available on kurtodrome’s deviantart site

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